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hostile 3 } broadcast mind } take my body, take my soul, take the thoughts inside my head
It’s the end. You know it in your gut, and as much as you'd like it not to be true, as much as you want to forgive her and take her back and kiss her until she loves you again, you know it won't help. She'll never love you again. Not like before.
Your heart is a cold, dead lump in your chest. It shouldn't ache this much.
It takes all you’ve got not to kill the slime-covered monstrosity that’s on a date with your Drusilla, but you’re starting to think that maybe it’s not a problem you can solve by killing your rival. She’ll just go out and find another demon to fuck and you’ll be left cuckolded again.
She’s got her legs wrapped around Angelus and she looks as serene as ever, like she doesn’t know she’s done anything wrong. Maybe she doesn’t know. She’s not like anyone else you’ve ever known. Neither is Angelus, of course. He's a monster, you know it, but you are too, so it's okay. You didn't know monsters hurt other monsters, though. You thought it was all about killing innocents, not stabbing friends in the back.
She looks up at you as she rides Angelus. “Did you miss me, pretty William?” she asks. She's your salvation, the woman who came to rescue you from your boring, human life, the woman with whom you're meant to be. She's only just turned you, and already she's shagging someone else.
“I’m sure he did, Dru,” Angelus replies, giving you a mocking glance. “You’re his destiny.” And you want to kill him. You’ll never stop wanting to kill him.
“Why can’t you kill her?” She asks. No need to ask who her is. There’s only one other woman in your life. You can see her now in front of you, blonde, confident, the stake in her hand like it’s a part of her body, and you hate her more than ever for getting between you and Dru.
“You’re the one who keeps bringing her up! I haven’t said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She’s on the other side of the planet, Dru!” And it’s true. All you want to do is forget that bitch of a Slayer ever existed. Let some other demon kill her. You can always do in the next one.
“But you’re lying!” Drusilla won’t let you forget her. She stands up, walking towards you. “I can still see her floating all around you, laughing. Why?” She touches your arm, and a surge of hope rushes through you, she cares for you, she has to or else why would she even be trying? “Why can’t you push her away?” She's not trying. Not really. She's made up her mind on this, and nothing you can say will convince her otherwise.
You have to try, though. “But I did, pet. I did it for you.” You look at her, and your heart breaks a little more. “You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like these.”
Buffy stares at you suspiciously, though she’s not punching you anymore at least. This is too important for punching, no matter how much fun fighting her is. “Why would you ever come to me?”
You look down. “I want Dru back. I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him…” Angel's her sire. You almost understand, but he's been gone for near on a century now. That stupid soul that made him weak and good and all those other disgusting things. Now that it's gone, though, you realise how little you missed him.
“You’re pathetic,” she sneers. You punch her. She’ll never understand. Pretty girl like her has to have a dozen men worshiping her at any given time. She’d never know what it’s like to be second, to have her love settle for her.
Then again, Drusilla’s slutting around with her ex right now.
You look up at the chaos demon. It had tried so hard to look presentable, even with slime dripping onto its fancy suit. As much as you hate the creature, you can sympathise. She’d always made you want to be better too. It shifts uncomfortably. “Okay, you two obviously have a thing going on here.”
“I have to find my pleasures, Spike.” Drusilla is barely aware the demon's still there. She’s in her own world as always. You used to be a part of that world. Now you’re on the outside looking in. “You taste like ashes.”
“So this is my fault now?” You gesture at the chaos demon.
“I didn’t know she was seeing somebody!” At least it looks like it feels bad about the situation. Though whether that’s because you ruined their date or because it actually doesn’t want to help her cheat, you don’t know. And you don’t really care. “I should take off.”
It's a few months later and you're back in Sunnydale, you don't know why, just that without Dru it seemed like the thing to do. You probably should have killed the Slayer, but instead you fought by her side, and Angel's. Again. The witch was supposed to help you do a love spell, but you're starting to see that's not the way.
"I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was." You straighten a bit, smirking confidently again. "The man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again." She'd always enjoyed a bit of torture. Maybe it's why she liked Angel better than you. Angel had always enjoyed a bit. You just wanted to love her. But you like the torture well enough too. You're sure you can show her you're still a monster. You turn to go, but you pause, glancing back at Angel and Buffy who are trying to act like they're not all over each other, but they're not particularly convincing. Not to you. "Love's a funny thing."
You leave in much better spirits than you arrived, and when you find Drusilla, the torture works... but it doesn't last. She's snogging a fungus demon before long, and you start shagging an annoying blonde vampire who went to Sunnydale High. You sometimes think Dru has the better rebound.
The demon blows a kiss at Drusilla as it walks away, and you glare daggers at it.
Drusilla can clearly tell how much you want it dead because she gives you a reproachful look. “You can’t blame the ghoul, Spike. You’re all covered with her. I look at you… all I see is the Slayer.”
You’ve loved Drusilla for 118 years. You’ve heard her talk about flying tea kettles and pixies and what the stars are whispering today.
But this is the first time you’ve truly thought of her as mad.